Signs, Signs, Everywhere There’s Signs, Blockin’ Up The Scenery, Breakin’ My Mind, Do this, Don’t Do That, Can’t You Read The Signs? ~Tesla
I reference this great Tesla song because, in a way, it describes what I was experiencing in my life prior to deciding to make some kind of change. Let me digress a bit here so you understand the drastic turn I made about two years ago.
I have been a dedicated member of the military for 22 years. That was my life, my passion, and my drive. I would spend countless hours giving to the mission and while it was rewarding, I found that I was still missing something. I was always tired, spent less and less time with my family due to trying to force that square peg into a round hole through work, and felt like my mind was in a constant state of chaos. I needed some sort of change; I did not realize how drastic of a change it would be.
Once I woke up and realized that the reason I was tired and missing out on spending time with the two most important people in my life, my husband and son, was due to failure to recognize that a job well done or another successfully completed mission was no longer important to me. Work no longer DROVE me, excited me, or challenged me. I began to resent everything, work, family, friends, and the world. It finally dawned on me that it was not the job or family; it was because I was unhappy with myself and I needed to make a change for ME. I had come to a CROSSROADS and could not decide which direction to take.
About two years ago, I started reading and researching topics that involved all kinds of natural, new age, meditative life path changes. I immediately became engrossed in a variety of subjects that began to connect and make a pattern. In other words, a huge SIGN was flashing right in front of my eyes, screaming PICK ME. It was then I realized that in order for me to appreciate my family, friends, and life, I had to change me and find some inner peace. I started slowly with learning Yoga, and then moved forward into Chakra’s and Energy Healing, Tarot Card Reading, Horoscopes, Crystal and Aromatherapy, and Meditation. Unfortunately, I kept this quiet, to myself because I was afraid of what other people would think.
While I was enjoying this “new interest”, I was still unhappy, tired, and feeling chaotic. What I didn’t grasp was that to be truly happy, I needed to be truly me and share everything with those closest to me. I began slowly by reading Tarot Cards for friends and family just for fun as well as occasionally talking to a medium. I don’t know when I actively made the decision to change and change openly but all of a sudden, I was meeting people that had the same interests, making new friends, and feeling the chaos starting to drain away.
I like to say I was partially “New Age” outed but I still felt like something was missing. It dawned on me that I had not shared any of this with the person who loved me the most and who was my biggest fan, my husband. I was subconsciously afraid he would laugh or make judgment, it just seemed easier to pretend it was for fun or just another one of my endless hobbies.
I finally comprehended that to make this JOURNEY complete, to continue on this PATH, I wanted the person I loved and admired most to walk with me on this soul searching trek. I wanted him to know and understand my feelings and excitement, as well as, share it with me. Once I took that leap of faith and explained how I felt to my husband, I was somewhat astounded, even though deep, down inside I knew better, that he did not laugh, ridicule, or tell me that my thoughts were ludicrous. This amazing man listened and supported, he became involved and was willing to experience this journey with me.
It was then I felt that internal click that told me that I had picked the right PATH at those CROSSROADS and felt ultimately content because I no longer hid who or what I am, I am no longer afraid of what people think, and am content to continue this Inner Spirit JOURNEY with this remarkable man. I am happy, no longer so tired, content and still finding out about myself but now it is no longer chaotic or scary fall into the “rabbit hole” but something to appreciate and enjoy. I have let go and let me tell you, it is one hell of an awesome ride.
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
Steve Jobs
